May: on the grey side of creativity

When I wrote the title for this post I initially wrote March. That gives you some indication of where my mind is at right?

What was I even doing in March? I couldn’t tell you without looking back through this blog to give my memory a bit of a jog.

So we’re nearly in June – how did that happen? It’s something to do with sun sets, moons and a calendar apparently.

I’ve feel like I’ve not done a lot of writing for myself and especially for this blog over May. My attention has been elsewhere mainly because after 5 years, I launched my writing site.  Yes, it’s got a blog (no surprises there then) so I’ve spent a lot of time balancing that and client work. (I should add ‘trying to’ in there.)

As a heads up to my lovely readers, I’ve a feeling it’s going to be like that for a few months until I find my feet so please bare with me.

May has been a great month for me in terms of getting new clients and taking on interesting projects. But today in particular I don’t feel like much of a writer. I’m not too sure why. It’s something that I live and breath yet I’m just not feeling it.

I have been doing rather a lot of ghost-writing which requires me to ‘get into the mind’ of another.  If I’m honest,  it doesn’t do my own writing any justice. Purely because my own style, tone and ‘stuff’ gets lost or pushed to the side.

It’s always a risk when you write for another.

What I can’t figure out is whether I’m questioning my own ability as a writer or whether I’m questioning my commitment in and passion for  it. Can you ever do something too long? How long is a ball of string? Can you ask too many questions? Do you… OK I’ll stop but you get the gist right?

I did it again. I’ve never been one of those people that obsesses over the fact that people read what you write because that’s the whole point of writing, for it to be seen by others. Unless of course, it’s a personal diary but as a general rule most of us to write to be read.

However over night I seem to have developed this ‘complex’  and I think, it’s got a whole lot to do with why I don’t feel like writing.  I actually feel like I’ve gone back to about 9 years ago when I left school feeling as though I was a bit crap.

It’s not a great place to be and only I know that I can change the way that  I feel. What doesn’t help is that I’ve a book that I was so very passionate about finishing around this time of year, yet it festers on my desktop somewhere.

Anyway before this turns into a rant, I have to get back to writing… for someone else. To be continued.


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